What’s With the Public Bathroom Toilet Paper Holders?
Why do public restrooms have caveman wheel toilet paper rolls?
They’re so large and cumbersome I feel like a contestant on the wheel of fortune trying to spin for money.
I just want to be able to get in and out of the bathroom as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Yet it seems, in addition to the size of the rolls, the toilet paper holders are on some kind of paper distribution lockdown.
Every time I enter The bathroom I feel like James Bond.
My mission: to decode the toilet paper roll and deploy it before my bladder detonates.
I’ve actually gotten quite good at cracking the toilet paper holder codes.
The last cipher I cracked went something like this…
two quarter turns to the left
one-half turn to the right
one pound with my fist
two curse words under my breath.
…and “Ta-Da!” the vault door opened and I was rewarded with one 4-inch square of one-ply toilet paper.
I was so proud of myself I consider leaving the code on the bathroom wall next to the heart with Jamie loves Kevin inside.
